However! As someone who's managed to figure out this thing, on a Mac no less, I'm offering up a miniature guide to getting all up ons this thing.
So here we go.
I am not a JavaMaster. This program was not written by me. For all intents and purposes, this entry is just a little step-by-step comprehensive guide to getting on this thang so you can pester and troll your Homestuck friends to your twisted little heart's content.
If, however, you're having the common problem (like I and so many others) of being unable to actually get a proper Chumhandle or Trolltag, please ignore these steps and skip to STEP 6.
Click the download link. Download the file.
You're going to need to unzip that file, so if you're on a Windows computer, you'll probably have Winzip to do that for you. If you're on a Mac, I highly suggest using Zipeg. Not only is it free, it unzips lots of files and it's easy to use! Also, it has a cute little sheep icon you can keep on your dock.
Got that thing unzipped? The file's name, wherever it is in your computer (I download files into a computerwide Downloads folder and then extract things onto my desktop for easier management), should be named Pesterchum 2.5!
Open that file.
Click Pesterchum.jar. You are now one step closer to being awesome.
NOTE: If it doesn't work, please go back to STEP 1 and make sure your Java's updated.
Okay! So, everything's set up. Sort of.
See the BLACK BOX with the word CHUMHANDLE over it? That's where your handle goes. Mine happens to be ironHolograph.
Follow me thus far? Okay! Type the name you want in there. Go for it. Be a champ.
STOP RIGHT THERE BRO!
If nothing happens, you're in the clear and you can proceed to STEP 7. If you received an error message claiming the chumhandle is not valid, PLEASE PROCEED TO STEP 8 BELOW.
See the menu that says CLIENT? Click it. Now click SAVE.
Exit out of the program entirely.
Now sign back on.
Check the menu. Click CLIENT and then LOAD. It should work, now.
And you're done! The rest is pretty much self-explanatory--add chums and trolls, do your thang, etc.
============ BUT WAIT ==============
We are so totally not done yet. Well, some of us, anyway.
The infamous STEP 8. Long have you awaited it.
Should you receive the THIS CHUMHANDLE IS INVALID message during this process, you might want to read this last STEP for further instruction.
Open the folder named Pesterchum 2.5 and locate the file known as Pesterchum.cfg. Can't open it, you say? Don't fret! You should be able--MAC OR PC--to open it in a basic text program like TextEdit and/or WordPad.
Go do that.
Now, this is what MY Pesterchum.cfg looks like--the stuff colored in green below IS NOT IMPORTANT. The stuff in red IS.
#PESTERCHUM CONFIG V2.5
Since my handle is ironHolograph, well, that's what it'll say there. When you add and save your Chumhandle, it should be entered automatically into the .cfg file. If it is, then you'll have to get help elsewhere or just keep trying.
If it isn't, I can help you.
Copy and paste the red bits EXACTLY over the identical part in your own .cfg file. DON'T FORGET TO CHANGE THE CHUMHANDLE I HAVE LISTED TO THE ONE YOU WANT!!
Go to the client and reenter the name. Then Save, then exit, then reopen the client, then Load. It should work.
If it doesn't, God have mercy on your soul.